Why I'm a Racist

I live very close to 2 convenience stores, and if you read my Twitter on a regular basis, you see that I'm often at one of these stores for a daily dose of my favorite drink (Coke). Now, being the weirdo I am, I sometimes get my mother to take me up there when it's late at night (because walking late at night is obviously not safe with there being at least 50 registered sexual offenders in this town, etc etc, and I'm a little 5'6" white girl who weighs less than 130 pounds. Sure, to an extent I can kick someone's arse, but I'm no match against a gun.).

I'm always cautious of who I'm around. I do my best to be observant and make sure that I stay away from the creepers (and there's plenty of those around here). If there's a particular super creepy person in the store, I usually wait in the vehicle until they're gone. I've learned that if I'm getting a bad vibe, I should listen to it and follow my instinct.

But with trying to avoid the creepers, I notice that I judge people based on their skin color. More than once I've avoided going into the store when there's a bunch of tall black dudes in there. It's not that I'm particularly "intimidated", but it makes me feel uncomfortable. I feel short and a little overwhelmed.

Okay so maybe I am intimidated. Although if properly enraged, I'll snark and yell and curse someone out. It's happened. (Not so much with the cursing part, because the people I'm yelling at usually happen to be my family. ;) )

I don't always do this with the white guys. Sure I might feel a little uncomfortable if they get in close proximity, but never as uncomfortable as I get around black guys. I hate that I think like this, because I know it's racist and very much wrong. Yet my "instinct" still tells me that a group of black guys wearing baggy pants and chains around their neck is something I need to stay away from.

Which brings me to this question: Even though we know racism is wrong and we do our best to respect/accept people different from ourselves, why are we still inherently racist? And is it really racist of me to do what I do, even though I hate doing it?