(No names will be used, because I respect the privacy of the others. Although a select few may know the names of the people referred to in this post, I still want to give my best friend as much privacy as possible.)
I met my best friend when I was 11/12 years old. Funny girl. Love her smile and everything about her. Plus we're both nerds so we clicked, as you might say.
I started attending her church;s youth group not soon after I met her. Lovely group, for the most part. Until the time came that a particular girl wanted to be friends with me.
Now nothing was wrong with the idea of that at first, but this girl had bullied my best friend and had been for a while. Still, for some darn freaking stupid reason, I became friends with the bully. (I'm not sure if I understood/knew the entire backstory of the bullying situation, but still, can someone go back and slap 12 year old me?)
Things were okay, at first. Then things started to get a bit heated. The bully became overly controlling and did her utmost to break the friendship my bff and I had. It didn't work, and the bully started to bully me.
I'm not sure how long she bullied me. I know it was at least for a few months. I could handle it at first, sort of, then one day I just broke down because I was sick of all the nasty text messages I'd been sent.
But everyone that knew about the situation was on my side, except for the bully's mother (who was a...shall we say....very defensive woman). And eventually, the situation became resolved and the bully was no longer in my life.
My best friend was affected more deeply than this situation than perhaps I ever was. Yes my 12 year old self was traumatized by the whole ordeal, but I know that my best friend endured the bully's harassment/etc for much longer than I did. I think that's what may have partially made her the way she is today.
Fast forward 3 years to the future. My best friend is no longer attending the youth group, mostly because her family decided to go to a different church, but because the youth group over the past 2 years have formed into cliques. Which means that 99 percent of them practically ignored my best friend and I, the nerds. Sure I'm a dancer and some of the dancers were attending, but they seemed content in their own group.
Ok, maybe that wouldn't be so bad if that was the only thing that was happening. But when the church had movie night and we were all down in the dining hall, my best friend and I have always been sitting alone on those nights we go. I mean, a girl did try to sit with us once before someone else had her leave for God only knows why. :P But their ostracizing us hurt, really really bad. And it affected my best friend to the point where she is worried about people not liking her, and she claims that she has a hard time making friends.
Yes we're homeschooled. Yes we're the slightest bit different being nerds and all. But that doesn't freaking mean that we should be ignored by others. If anything, church/youth group is a place where people should be coming together and having fellowship everyone. There was diversity in the youth group and it needs to be accepted.
(On a side note, we're not the only people that have been ostracized by the youth group. At least 3 others have felt the same.)
Anyways, I learned last night that my bff has a crappy view of her body image, appearance, and overall self-worth. And I got really, really emotional. She doesn't talk about this stuff to most people (I'm one the few she will actually talk to on occasion about personal stuff), and I'm shocked to learn that she, of all people, had such views about her body. She says that she "doesn't fit society's image of beautiful" and that she's always been "bigger and taller than other girls".
I'm not lying when I say that I truly do think she's pretty. Yeah she's like 5'8 and I can totally understand where she's coming from with feeling slightly uncomfortable with her height (I'm 5'6 and when I was 13 I was as tall as most 16 year olds I knew). But her body? Really? She's not even fat. She's only got the slightest bit more weight to her than I do. The slightest bit.
I'm not sure if I just misunderstood her a bit last night, because she very well could have been referring to her height at the same time. But for heaven's sake if she is talking about her weight (she's always been so encouraging and body-positive to other people), she's not fat. I've known her for 3 years and not once have I thought of her as fat. And the other people she's around? I don't think she's really ever weighed more than they.
Ugh, I've just found this incredibly frustrating and saddening. She's one of the people in my life that I look up to, and I can't believe she's felt this way. I don't know what to do to help her without coming off as pushy and overdoing it. I sent her a FB message before I went to bed last night, and she messaged me back and said that it was really encouraging, etc etc. But I truly hate that she feels this way about herself. She doesn't really expose herself to all that much secular media when it comes to stuff about weight and beauty.
And now she's of the opinion that she eats too much and is detoxing. (Cutting out carbs and sugars for a while.) She's been doing well so far, and while she seems to have more energy for it (either that or the fangirling over LOTR, Loki, the new Doctor Who episode, etc have just given her a lot of excitement), I'm worried for her. She told me what she had yesterday for breakfast and lunch. She's not skimping on food, but she says she hasn't decided for how long she'll be on this detoxing thing (although she'll "most likely still be on it when Thanksgiving rolls around"). I just don't want this to escalate into something dangerous.
Anyways, I needed to get that out. Posting it on my Twitter feed just wasn't relieving the stress I needed it to.
Thanks to those who read, and if you're a Christian, please pray for my friend. I love her to pieces and I want her to be happy.
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