I'm supposed to be writing a piece for Stigma Fighters. I'm supposed to be keeping up with strengthening my ankles during the week because I'm a pointe dancer. I'm supposed to be doing...a lot of things.
But it's hard to do a lot of things when you feel worthless, disgusting, lonely, and like everyone is always making fun of you while simultaneously shunning you from every social circle.
Everyone keeps telling me that I should have self-esteem, that I'm some amazing human being or something. A few people have even called me a badass. Not sure why. What's so badass about an awkward, nerdy introverted teenage girl who is barely paid attention to because she's such a weirdo?
I don't understand why anyone sees anything special about me at this point, because I've messed up a lot of stuff lately.
I just want to be a good person. I don't have to fit in. God knows that's never going to be a possibility for me. But I'm just tired of messing up. I'm tired of people not liking me.
I don't know what to do at this point. No one needs nor wants my angsty Twitter rants. Maybe I should just take lots of hot showers (hot as in steam, thank you very much, dirty-minded people. ;P) this week and take some time for myself. This bout of bleh will end eventually.
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