I'm out of caffeine. Have been all day. I don't count the tea I've had as caffeine, because it's not strong enough to actually have an affect on me since I drink Coke all the time. So if this post is a little bit scatter-brained and ALL! OVER! THE! PLACE!, you know why.
Since January 1st, I've been working on revising my NaNo novel. And long story short, I've had two false starts on it. Now I'm on my third try of it and hoping to God I don't have to start back at Chapter 3 AGAIN.
I am, nonetheless, making a good amount of progress. While actually getting some words out, I've also got someone from the NaNo forums who has offered to edit my entire novel and give their critique on it. Holy moly, this person has got a LOT of work ahead of them, but I'm lucky to have this person nonetheless. They've caught so many errors that I couldn't have ever caught on my own.
While that person is my main CP, I've also got a second one who I send random paragraphs of my novel to so that she can give her advice on it. She's my full-blown beta reader, offering the occasional edit or advice on word choice, etc. I'm very lucky to have her too. :3
My original goal for this month was to have 15 completed chapters by the 28th. With my trashing six chapters and my only having saved 2, I don't know if I can get to there in the next 17 days. Right now I'm preparing for some dance performances in March (a showcase here in the town then a regional competition in another town), and there is a lot to be done. Besides cleaning all the numbers, I have to make sure that I have all of my costumes and their accessories together in the bags, my jazz shoes need to be cleaned, and yeah. Lots and lots of fun stuff. xD
Nonetheless, progress is progress. I WILL have this second draft finished by the end of this year. :)
Tuesday, February 11, 2014
Saturday, January 11, 2014
Changing goals, and quality not quantity
Right now I'm trying to write the second draft of a 91,023 word novel. The first draft was just...*shudders*. Bleh. It had its moments, but overall lots of it was trashed. I tried outlining this before I rewrote it again, but I failed utterly. But now, I'm still floundering about with it.
My goal this month was 60k new words for this draft, but I decided to change it to 25k. For me, focusing on quantity doesn't seem to bring out quality (y'all know this. Some of y'all have read my drafts.), so I need to take things a bit slower and focus on taking things chapter by chapter. Focusing more on progression of plot and making sure everything flows smoothly.
So, yeah, it's hard for a demon-speed fingered NaNoWriMo writer to take things so slowly, but I'm hoping this will have better results in the long run.
Wednesday, January 1, 2014
Confessions on how I felt about my looks
(It's almost midnight so this may not be the most coherent thing I've written.)
When I was 12 years old, I started struggling with acne. I know I didn't properly treat it right back then, but I was going through some personal issues that triggered an awful gastrointestinal problem that I suffered with for a couple of years. That, I believe, was why I struggled with acne for so long.
I didn't think too much of it back then. I knew that puberty hormones would make me look like that. But back then I wasn't so obsessed with body-image and beauty. I just didn't think about it. Yet as I got older I started to notice it more and I tried treating it. Miserable failure at that.
Let me expand a bit on one of the personal issues I was going through. When I was 12 or so, I met a girl at this youth group I'd just started attending (my best friend went there and it was really the only time I got to see her, and I had fun for the most part hanging out with the others). She was nice, at first, but I quickly came to learn that she disliked my best friend. Ok, perhaps dislike is an understatement. She bullied (online and off) my best friend (and my best friend's sister). Perhaps I didn't fully understand the situation at the time, but one thing led to another and the girl became very manipulative and started to bully me. Worst part? Her mother went along with the whole thing, supporting her daughter. I mean, of course you're going to be on your kid's side because hey, this is your kid. But I'm sure the mother knew what was happening and what her daughter had said to me.
Being bullied was a difficult experience for me. I had never done anything to hurt this girl. I had done my best to be friends with her, but it just wasn't working out. I received over 50 (probably over 100 or 200, but I know it was 50 at least) nasty and harassing text messages of her. And she'd call constantly.
It was a hard experience, but in the end I think it ended up strengthening my friendship with my two best friends.
Back to the self esteem. I've been taking dance since I was little. And by the time I was 13, I was still loving it. But I wasn't quite into wearing makeup (except for performances) back then, per se, and every time I went to class I'd always see these girls my age and a bit older wearing eyeliner. Then I'd look in the mirror and notice how freakishly pale and strange my eyes were and the circles under my eyes. I didn't feel pretty, and I felt uncomfortable around these other girls. One day I actually wore eyeliner to class (even though my mom didn't fully support the idea because, hey, I was 13), and finally I was relaxing. I looked pretty.
By the time I turned 15, I didn't worry about wearing eyeliner. Couldn't find the pencil and a sharpener anyways. But I'd go to class and see myself in the mirror and see how red the acne would get during practice, and I still didn't feel pretty. When we'd get the rare chance to sit down, sometimes I turn around and look at myself in the mirror and I couldn't stand it. Bleh, that's how I felt about it.
And even in these past few months I've been looking in the mirror and really disliking the way I look. I just stand there and go "You know, I would be pretty if it weren't for this darn acne". And y'all have seen some of my selfies. Sometimes the camera takes a good-enough picture that it actually shows the acne and minor scarring. For the longest time I wished, really really wished, that I didn't have acne, because I didn't feel pretty. I wanted to feel pretty, but every time I looked in the mirror and saw the acne, I didn't feel that way at all.
Last month, as most of you know, I had a Christmas dance recital, which means heavy stage makeup. And I thought I looked smashing in that. Really, really good-looking. Why? Because the acne didn't show. But after the performances were over and I had the makeup off, the feeling of being pretty just left me. Here's the pale face with the circles under her eyes and the slightly inflamed acne and the weird eyes which don't pop at all because I'm not wearing eyeliner.
This is going to sound pretty shallow (and it is, God forgive me), but every time I'd posted a selfie to Twitter and it'd get a favorite, my heart would skip a beat or something along those lines. Why? Because I felt like this was an acknowledge that I was indeed pretty, even though I didn't always feel that necessarily feel that way. Someone thought I was beautiful, apparently, and to me that was all that mattered at the time.
But as the acne cleared up a bit (along with other things happening which I won't speak of here, but they're most definitely positive things), I found myself looking in the mirror and smiling when I saw my face. Because I finally felt pretty. No longer did I feel bleh. I found myself noticing how pretty my eyes are, and finally, I came to accept that despite my flaws, I am pretty.
And this is where you girls come in. I know so many of us go up to the mirror and instantly began criticizing every little thing. And I want us to stop. Yes, we all have our flaws inside and out, but beauty isn't perfection. Beauty is you being you with every single imperfection and scar and pimple. And beauty isn't just on the outside. Beauty's on the inside too.
So I guess what I wanted to say in this post that accepting you for who you are is hard. But I want myself to continue to embrace my flaws for what they are, without thinking that they diminish my beauty or self-worth. And that your self-worth isn't dependent on your beauty. Each and every one of you is worth something.
When I was 12 years old, I started struggling with acne. I know I didn't properly treat it right back then, but I was going through some personal issues that triggered an awful gastrointestinal problem that I suffered with for a couple of years. That, I believe, was why I struggled with acne for so long.
I didn't think too much of it back then. I knew that puberty hormones would make me look like that. But back then I wasn't so obsessed with body-image and beauty. I just didn't think about it. Yet as I got older I started to notice it more and I tried treating it. Miserable failure at that.
Let me expand a bit on one of the personal issues I was going through. When I was 12 or so, I met a girl at this youth group I'd just started attending (my best friend went there and it was really the only time I got to see her, and I had fun for the most part hanging out with the others). She was nice, at first, but I quickly came to learn that she disliked my best friend. Ok, perhaps dislike is an understatement. She bullied (online and off) my best friend (and my best friend's sister). Perhaps I didn't fully understand the situation at the time, but one thing led to another and the girl became very manipulative and started to bully me. Worst part? Her mother went along with the whole thing, supporting her daughter. I mean, of course you're going to be on your kid's side because hey, this is your kid. But I'm sure the mother knew what was happening and what her daughter had said to me.
Being bullied was a difficult experience for me. I had never done anything to hurt this girl. I had done my best to be friends with her, but it just wasn't working out. I received over 50 (probably over 100 or 200, but I know it was 50 at least) nasty and harassing text messages of her. And she'd call constantly.
It was a hard experience, but in the end I think it ended up strengthening my friendship with my two best friends.
Back to the self esteem. I've been taking dance since I was little. And by the time I was 13, I was still loving it. But I wasn't quite into wearing makeup (except for performances) back then, per se, and every time I went to class I'd always see these girls my age and a bit older wearing eyeliner. Then I'd look in the mirror and notice how freakishly pale and strange my eyes were and the circles under my eyes. I didn't feel pretty, and I felt uncomfortable around these other girls. One day I actually wore eyeliner to class (even though my mom didn't fully support the idea because, hey, I was 13), and finally I was relaxing. I looked pretty.
By the time I turned 15, I didn't worry about wearing eyeliner. Couldn't find the pencil and a sharpener anyways. But I'd go to class and see myself in the mirror and see how red the acne would get during practice, and I still didn't feel pretty. When we'd get the rare chance to sit down, sometimes I turn around and look at myself in the mirror and I couldn't stand it. Bleh, that's how I felt about it.
And even in these past few months I've been looking in the mirror and really disliking the way I look. I just stand there and go "You know, I would be pretty if it weren't for this darn acne". And y'all have seen some of my selfies. Sometimes the camera takes a good-enough picture that it actually shows the acne and minor scarring. For the longest time I wished, really really wished, that I didn't have acne, because I didn't feel pretty. I wanted to feel pretty, but every time I looked in the mirror and saw the acne, I didn't feel that way at all.
Last month, as most of you know, I had a Christmas dance recital, which means heavy stage makeup. And I thought I looked smashing in that. Really, really good-looking. Why? Because the acne didn't show. But after the performances were over and I had the makeup off, the feeling of being pretty just left me. Here's the pale face with the circles under her eyes and the slightly inflamed acne and the weird eyes which don't pop at all because I'm not wearing eyeliner.
This is going to sound pretty shallow (and it is, God forgive me), but every time I'd posted a selfie to Twitter and it'd get a favorite, my heart would skip a beat or something along those lines. Why? Because I felt like this was an acknowledge that I was indeed pretty, even though I didn't always feel that necessarily feel that way. Someone thought I was beautiful, apparently, and to me that was all that mattered at the time.
But as the acne cleared up a bit (along with other things happening which I won't speak of here, but they're most definitely positive things), I found myself looking in the mirror and smiling when I saw my face. Because I finally felt pretty. No longer did I feel bleh. I found myself noticing how pretty my eyes are, and finally, I came to accept that despite my flaws, I am pretty.
And this is where you girls come in. I know so many of us go up to the mirror and instantly began criticizing every little thing. And I want us to stop. Yes, we all have our flaws inside and out, but beauty isn't perfection. Beauty is you being you with every single imperfection and scar and pimple. And beauty isn't just on the outside. Beauty's on the inside too.
So I guess what I wanted to say in this post that accepting you for who you are is hard. But I want myself to continue to embrace my flaws for what they are, without thinking that they diminish my beauty or self-worth. And that your self-worth isn't dependent on your beauty. Each and every one of you is worth something.
Monday, December 23, 2013
In which Kelley realizes something somewhat terrifying and exciting about her novel....
In November, one of my NaNoWriMo projects was a psychological thriller/horror novel titled Prisoners of The Mind. The final word count ended up being 91,023 words. I despised the ending somewhat, but thought I could work it out somehow. Maybe make a sequel for it, or just have to give the ending a little more revision than the rest of the book needed.
Wrong.
I started prepping for revisions earlier this month. Originally I had just planned on making notes in each chapter for what I wanted to change, etc, but eventually I slipped into outlining. An enjoyable process, until I hit Chapter 4 and came to a somewhat awful realization: The rest of the book has to be scrapped.
Okay, maybe not all of it. I could salvage a few scenes from it, but the rest of the story-line from Chapter 4 on changes completely. I have to rewrite it all. This both terrifies and excites me for the obvious reasons. I mean, hey somewhat new story to write with these awesome characters, but.....omg. THINGS. I can't even explain my feelings right now. Just THINGS OMG.
Anyways, I'm starting revisions/rewrites in January with the goal of 1 chapter per day. I'm hoping this will get me half way or most of the way through the book. Then I'll finish up that draft in February and let it simmer while I distract myself with prepping for Camp NaNo.
And now I must go, because ooh Twitter so shinyyyy.
I may have a problem come January. xD
Wrong.
I started prepping for revisions earlier this month. Originally I had just planned on making notes in each chapter for what I wanted to change, etc, but eventually I slipped into outlining. An enjoyable process, until I hit Chapter 4 and came to a somewhat awful realization: The rest of the book has to be scrapped.
Okay, maybe not all of it. I could salvage a few scenes from it, but the rest of the story-line from Chapter 4 on changes completely. I have to rewrite it all. This both terrifies and excites me for the obvious reasons. I mean, hey somewhat new story to write with these awesome characters, but.....omg. THINGS. I can't even explain my feelings right now. Just THINGS OMG.
Anyways, I'm starting revisions/rewrites in January with the goal of 1 chapter per day. I'm hoping this will get me half way or most of the way through the book. Then I'll finish up that draft in February and let it simmer while I distract myself with prepping for Camp NaNo.
And now I must go, because ooh Twitter so shinyyyy.
I may have a problem come January. xD
Thursday, December 5, 2013
Camp NaNoWriMo 2014-Goals, dares, and all that fabulousness
I know what you're thinking. "NaNoWriMo JUST ended WHY IS SHE TALKING ABOUT CAMP NANO ALREADY HUSH YOURSELF." Yet I can't help but create my OA goals for the next event. Once an overachiever always an overachiever, y'know?
-Goals (will be updated as Camp gets closer)-
-Write 50k in 8 days or less. (This NaNo '13 I did it in 9 days, and I'd love to be able to say that I did it in a week. xD)
-Have a six digit number at the end. I'm not sure what it'll be yet, but I want to go over what I got this NaNo. (154,212 words) I think it'd be cool if I could get a minimum 200k, but we'll see. ;3
-Pull off a (three day) 25k weekend. I've pulled off 10k days before, just not in a row! And even though 8k days aren't that hard anymore, doing a 25k weekend will prove interesting.
-Complete two novels
Now something for y'all. In the comments, I want y'all to give me some utterly ridiculous OA (overachiever) goals for Camp NaNo '14, just to spark some creativity and bring out my competitive side. And if you want to have a NaNoWager with me (*cough cough Jason Cantrell ;)*), I'm open to any challenges!
-Goals (will be updated as Camp gets closer)-
-Write 50k in 8 days or less. (This NaNo '13 I did it in 9 days, and I'd love to be able to say that I did it in a week. xD)
-Have a six digit number at the end. I'm not sure what it'll be yet, but I want to go over what I got this NaNo. (154,212 words) I think it'd be cool if I could get a minimum 200k, but we'll see. ;3
-Pull off a (three day) 25k weekend. I've pulled off 10k days before, just not in a row! And even though 8k days aren't that hard anymore, doing a 25k weekend will prove interesting.
-Complete two novels
Now something for y'all. In the comments, I want y'all to give me some utterly ridiculous OA (overachiever) goals for Camp NaNo '14, just to spark some creativity and bring out my competitive side. And if you want to have a NaNoWager with me (*cough cough Jason Cantrell ;)*), I'm open to any challenges!
Wednesday, December 4, 2013
Muting my inner editor with caffeine and drugs
Warning: This blog post was written "under the influence", so my thoughts may not be pieced together in the most coherent fashion.
Okay, not illegal drugs. Cough and congestion meds, because I am sick, and being doped up on this stuff helps my mind to relax and just write. Also caffeine because OMGZ THIS STUFF IS FLOWING THROUGH ME I'M ON THE TOP OF THE WORLD LET'S WRITE ALL THE THINGS.
I started getting into writing poetry last year, and as usual, I sucked. Reading back on my first poems (and even some stuff I wrote back 4 or 5 months ago) makes me cringe and want to run away.
But not all my poetry is bad, and this is something I need to understand. I've seen bits and pieces of my poetry that looks like it has promise. Sure some lines are going to need tweaking, but for the most part, the poem captured what I wanted to say.
Back near the end of August, I started submitting poetry. Of course, despite my minor edits, they still sucked. (Reading back on them now causes me no end of embarrassment.) And as usual, they got rejected. All three of them. But now that I've written more poetry and read some more, I understand what was fundamentally wrong with those poems and why they were rejected. Yet it's still hard not to become the slightest bit discouraged, y'know?
I don't plan on submitting anything again for a long time. During this lovely December, I'll be focusing on poetry more. God only knows what weird stuff I'll get out, but I can't edit a blank page. I have to write something, no matter how awful it is. Because it can be fixed. The first draft is for making a mess, revision is for making that mess something pretty.
But lately as I've sat down with my poetry notebook, I've found it hard to write a complete poem. I usually write out a couple of paragraphs before I stop completely, because my inner editor points out what is wrong and how much it sucks. Then I usually lose the energy to write any more on it, and I turn the page and try again. Rinse and repeat.
This has led to my free-writings some stuff. Not poetry, mind you, but prose-ish stuff. It's actually really fun, and most of the time I end up completing these pieces.
I never thought I'd have such trouble with my inner editor. I can write stories without it piping up too much (usually because I'm writing a story during NaNo), but when I start writing poetry, my IE is practically screaming at me. It's a strange and frightening experience.
So hopefully during these next few weeks, I can manage to make Her shut up for a while. I don't know how long I'll have an excuse to be doping myself up with these meds, seeing as I got sick on Sunday and am feeling a bit better now (but my cough/congestion is still here, just not as fierce). Either way, I'm going to keep going. I have to keep going, because I want to be a published poet one day. I can't edit a blank page.
Now to find a place to stash some more caffeine at....
Okay, not illegal drugs. Cough and congestion meds, because I am sick, and being doped up on this stuff helps my mind to relax and just write. Also caffeine because OMGZ THIS STUFF IS FLOWING THROUGH ME I'M ON THE TOP OF THE WORLD LET'S WRITE ALL THE THINGS.
I started getting into writing poetry last year, and as usual, I sucked. Reading back on my first poems (and even some stuff I wrote back 4 or 5 months ago) makes me cringe and want to run away.
But not all my poetry is bad, and this is something I need to understand. I've seen bits and pieces of my poetry that looks like it has promise. Sure some lines are going to need tweaking, but for the most part, the poem captured what I wanted to say.
Back near the end of August, I started submitting poetry. Of course, despite my minor edits, they still sucked. (Reading back on them now causes me no end of embarrassment.) And as usual, they got rejected. All three of them. But now that I've written more poetry and read some more, I understand what was fundamentally wrong with those poems and why they were rejected. Yet it's still hard not to become the slightest bit discouraged, y'know?
I don't plan on submitting anything again for a long time. During this lovely December, I'll be focusing on poetry more. God only knows what weird stuff I'll get out, but I can't edit a blank page. I have to write something, no matter how awful it is. Because it can be fixed. The first draft is for making a mess, revision is for making that mess something pretty.
But lately as I've sat down with my poetry notebook, I've found it hard to write a complete poem. I usually write out a couple of paragraphs before I stop completely, because my inner editor points out what is wrong and how much it sucks. Then I usually lose the energy to write any more on it, and I turn the page and try again. Rinse and repeat.
This has led to my free-writings some stuff. Not poetry, mind you, but prose-ish stuff. It's actually really fun, and most of the time I end up completing these pieces.
I never thought I'd have such trouble with my inner editor. I can write stories without it piping up too much (usually because I'm writing a story during NaNo), but when I start writing poetry, my IE is practically screaming at me. It's a strange and frightening experience.
So hopefully during these next few weeks, I can manage to make Her shut up for a while. I don't know how long I'll have an excuse to be doping myself up with these meds, seeing as I got sick on Sunday and am feeling a bit better now (but my cough/congestion is still here, just not as fierce). Either way, I'm going to keep going. I have to keep going, because I want to be a published poet one day. I can't edit a blank page.
Now to find a place to stash some more caffeine at....
Tuesday, December 3, 2013
Post-NaNo life, and the joys of WINNING a NaNoWager ;)
This should be an interesting post.
So November's over. I clocked in at 154,212 words, which is pretty darn awesome considering I've never gotten a six figure number during NaNo before. Or during any month for that matter.
But that's not the most exciting part (*gasp*), you know that NaNoWager I had going with Jason? I won, and I won good. xD So he followed through with his end of the deal and made a dance video, but exceeded my expectations and did it for longer than 90 seconds (the original agreement). You can find links to this wonderful video on his blog, Twitter, etc. Watch it, please. You will not regret it. ;)
That video will never cease to be a source of gut-busting laughter for moi. xD I'm so evil...
Anyways, post-NaNo life (omgz there's LIFE after NaNo??? O_O). Right now I'm sick (bleh, but hey at least it wasn't DURING NaNo), preparing for two dance performances next week, and preparing for JanNoWriMo. Oh, and writing poetry here and there. I'm trying to accomplish lots and lots of things without driving myself crazier than usual. The bad kind of crazy, not the good kind. I have fully embraced the latter. xD
So what's your post-NaNo life like?
So November's over. I clocked in at 154,212 words, which is pretty darn awesome considering I've never gotten a six figure number during NaNo before. Or during any month for that matter.
But that's not the most exciting part (*gasp*), you know that NaNoWager I had going with Jason? I won, and I won good. xD So he followed through with his end of the deal and made a dance video, but exceeded my expectations and did it for longer than 90 seconds (the original agreement). You can find links to this wonderful video on his blog, Twitter, etc. Watch it, please. You will not regret it. ;)
That video will never cease to be a source of gut-busting laughter for moi. xD I'm so evil...
Anyways, post-NaNo life (omgz there's LIFE after NaNo??? O_O). Right now I'm sick (bleh, but hey at least it wasn't DURING NaNo), preparing for two dance performances next week, and preparing for JanNoWriMo. Oh, and writing poetry here and there. I'm trying to accomplish lots and lots of things without driving myself crazier than usual. The bad kind of crazy, not the good kind. I have fully embraced the latter. xD
So what's your post-NaNo life like?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)