A Queer Christian Homeschooler's Thoughts on RFRA

Besides the Gamergate hashtag (eww), I've never seen something tweeted about so much in my feed. Nor have I witnessed such blatant ignorance and homophobia.

The RFRA hashtag is a mixture of trashy, disgusting tweets comparing the LGBT rights movement to Nazi Germany, and then tweets from people in the LGBT, Christian, and LGBT Christian communities who strongly oppose the bill. I try not to read through the RFRA tweets that much unless they're from my friends, because the rampant homophobia exhibited by some Christians is absolutely sickening. (Not to mention depressing!)

Another reason why I'm not in it much? Because there's a lot more screaming at each other than there is people actually listening.

The "Christian vs. LGBT" debate has always been a popular one. (And an especially difficult one for us LGBT Christians.) Whether it's conservative politicians comparing homosexuality to bestality, or LGBT rights movement leaders talking about how bigoted the conservative Christian side is, there's always someone with an opinion. And it's not always pretty. Either side is always met with a crapload of backlash. Instead of having civil discussions, some resort to name-calling and more bigotry. Hardly any of us actually sit down and have a well thought out discussion.

So as a queer Christian teenager, here's what I have to say:

Many conservative Christians are never going to change their theological beliefs when it comes to how LGBT people should be treated. Sure, not all conservatives maintain the same theology over the course of their lives. Some of them do change and become more loving to the LGBT community even if theologically, they don't agree with their sexuality. But for those who don't? They're not going to back down. They believe that their theology is the end-all when it comes to the topic of homosexuality. They believe that their theology should be what America takes its laws from. (Pretty damn scary thought, if you've read Leviticus.)

For me, the problem doesn't lie within their theology, per se. People having theological differences and disputes is normal, healthy even. But it becomes a problem when a Christian uses their theology to bash the LGBT community. A Christian's individual belief system cannot (and should not) apply to the rest of humanity. Not everyone is the same! Not everyone is Christian, or is even religious. The idea that we need to have people governed by Christian ideas of morality just isn't going to work out.

Still, despite all the bigotry and steaming hatred coming from some parts from the conservative Christian community, I do have some conservative Christian friends. We may have theological differences, but we still (respectfully) debate the gay marriage argument. And more than that? We discuss morality, divine salvation, equal rights, and love. They treat the LGBT community (and myself) like people instead of mere sex acts.

Why can't more Christians be like this? It would make things a whole lot easier, and honestly, I think we would get a whole lot more productive discussion done.

So in the end, when it comes to RFRA? Personally, I'm not a big fan. People shouldn't be able to discriminate in the name of religion. The people responsible for this bill here in Georgia and Indiana need to add non-discrimination policies to the bill that extend to the LGBT community too. I think it's possible to have LGBT rights and (the true kind of) religious freedom co-existing. Or maybe I'm just naive...

Dear 13 Year Old Kelley: We Love You

Dear 13 year old Kelley,

I love you. We all love you.

I know that with where you’re at right at, this is impossible for you to comprehend. You’re scared, and I don’t blame you. You’ve been raised a certain way all of your life and to go against that is terrifying. I know that you’re trying to pray it away. I know that you’re still acting really homophobic because you’re scared that accepting yourself will mean you spend an eternity in Hell.

Sweetheart, that is so far from the truth.

You’re not an abnormality. You’re not disgusting. You don’t have to frantically pray and ask God to forgive you when you have sexual thoughts about another girl. God still loves you.

Three years from now, you’re going to be doing amazing things. You’re going to meet people just like you. You’re going to accept yourself and start a blog. You’re gonna make mistakes along the way, but it’s okay. That’s how you learn.

There are people who love you. These people are going to support you in ways you never expected. Complete strangers are going to stand by your side when your longtime friends suddenly dump you. Hey, it is going to hurt when people leave. I’m not going to pretend that it’s all glitter and rainbows. There’s some really mean people that you have in your life right now that are going to backstab you later on. You don’t know that yet. You’re still working on fitting in with them, still trying to be that good fundie Christian girl. You’re ignoring everything that’s real about you. You’re ignoring your sexuality because you believe that even a same-sex sexual fantasy is a sin.

But you know what? It’s okay. It’s okay for you to be afraid. It’s okay for you to try and fit in. Because even though it’s a huge mistake, you’ll learn a lot from it later on. Right now, I look back at you and know that you’re at the beginning of an amazing journey. It’ll be scary, but it’s worth it. I promise.

There are people here waiting for you with open arms. They affirm your identity. They love you.

Remember: You’re queer. You’re Christian. You’re amazing.

You’re worth it.

Coming Out: A Quick Update

These past two weeks have really taken their toll on me. Despite the amazing support of my Twitter friends, I was still feeling a little down. And scared. And anxious. I’d mentioned a few times on Twitter about how the thought of going to youth group for the first time since coming out terrified me. Even though I’d *only* come out online, teens and adults in the church have access to my feed. I know some of them have seen my tweets and blog posts by now.

Besides one person from my church unfollowing me and other person blocking me, no one had really had a big reaction yet. Then I logged on Twitter last night. My youth pastor had DMed me. Here’s what he said:

“Kelley, I can't imagine the struggles you are facing and I'm not going to pretend to. This world is driven by hate. You see it in the media, it's either sexual orientation, race or political, the only thing that can drive out hate is love! I'm here for you. I will be praying for you and your family.”

By the time I’d finished reading, I was shaking. That wasn’t the response I’d expected at all, especially from him.

He accepts me just as I am.

Was his reaction unexpected? Hell yes. Down here in the South, the majority of people I know have staunch beliefs on homosexuality. Even though he moved here from PA, I thought he’d have a “love the sinner but tell them how wrong they are” mentality. But so far, apparently not.

His DMs made this past week worth it. Initially, I hadn’t expected that sort of support. But after so much rejection, his acceptance made me ecstatic. While I'm hoping for more positive outcomes like this, I know the vitriolic reactions are inevitable. But we'll see how it goes. :)